Did you forget?
by LyricsandGuitar
Summary: If this love will bring him more pain, then I hope time will bury it together with his memory of me.


**Disclaimer: **I do not own Gakuen Alice and the song!

**A/N: **Please enjoy reading!

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><p><em>We had it all<em>

_We were just about to fall even more in love_

_Than we were before_

_I won't forget, I won't forget_

_About us_

**Title: Did you forget?**

I never gave much thought of seeing him again.

Everything about us is over. And I should move on, the way he did.

It's been how long since I last saw him? I cannot remember, I'm not sure anymore of the way he looks, the way he smells, his actions, or the way his eyes glimmer whenever he saw me. I cannot remember those things anymore. It's been a year or two since I last saw him, though I'm not sure. Heck, I cannot even remember the sound of his voice. At first I thought it is for the best, to not have any contacts to him, to sever all the ties we have, but because of his job now, and because of what become of him it is not possible not to hear his name everywhere.

And with just that, all of those heartaches I buried deep down my still beating heart resurface again. It was painful.

It _is _painful.

Sometimes I cannot help but to think of how much I hate the asymmetry of this fucking world, he's moved on and I'm not. Can you believe it? I've been like this for two years. Not moving on. I even thought once that maybe having amnesia wouldn't be that bad if facing a situation like this, a situation where in one can never resurface from this kind of oblivion. But I know that only one thing can get me through this, and that's to move on. I've tried, of course, but whenever I did, it just increases the pain inside me, because the thought forgetting him brings pain to a higher degree. A degree that's far beyond measurable, a degree that may took my sanity.

I looked forward to the horizon. Trees are swaying by the rhythm of the wind and flowers are in different colors and shapes. As usual, it was amazingly breathtaking. I thought I could only see this kind of scenery on paintings or movies but I guess I'm wrong. I've been staying in this room for a year now yet it never fails to amaze me. I once thought that when the winter comes and once all of this will be covered by snow this will be no more but it proved me wrong. After December then January the ice slowly melts away and came once again the scenery I thought would never appear. It will last forever, I thought but I immediately back paddled. There is no such thing as forever.

There is nothing permanent in this world but only 'change'.

I sat down on the bed and fished out the bracelet Natsume gave me on our first date. This object is so small yet it holds many memories on it.

I could still remember our first month. It was amazing, it was incredible and for me it was everything I have ever wanted. We were both high school back then. We shared almost every subject we have; we were part of the same group and even on the same club. Almost every weekend we went out to watch movies and eat on a fancy restaurant and talked about almost everything. About our problems, math, English, Mr. Narumi—how gay-_ish_ he is, our friends, our plan for the next day and our future together. And then he gave me this very bracelet I hold right now. It was like a fairytale, though Natsume was more like the wicked witch than the prince. He was rude and arrogant and liked to call me by my undergarments—yeah a pervert, too. But by the end of the day he would always come to me and show me the side of him that only I, has the right to know.

He was also very protective.

I remember one time ,when we were not yet together, a bunch of male seniors herded me to forced me to go out with them, of course I declined but they keep on coming. That's when he came and you know history. That's our first meeting. After that, you could always see us together.

I really love him back then… and even now.

But everything has to end. It always has to.

I lay down the bed I was seating at when once again I felt the pain that I've been enduring for the last two years.

It all started when mom came back from Italy. She was happy about Natsume and me; she gave me the support I wanted. She was my only family that's why I was joyful of what she did. But, even she drifted away from me so fast that before I knew it, I was already left alone by the only person I once called my family. The year she came back to my arms was also the same year she left me behind. She died and left me. Through the next years of my life Natsume was there together with Hotaru and the others, they made me feel anything but sadness and loneliness; I was grateful. That was the first time I felt that I have been loved by many that sometimes I wondered whether I returned their love equally or not.

And then the day came when I discovered something in me that made me realized many things in life. That's the turning point of my so called life. Everything went down the drain. I was sad, furious, and angry and started to view life as everything but fair. I hid everything from Natsume; from everyone, but Hotaru being the intent observant she always was knew something changed. She asked me and left me with no choice but to tell her, so I did. She was adamant when I told her not to tell anyone but agreed eventually when I told her it was not her fight but mine.

And so I did what I thought would be the best for both of us, I mean me and Natsume. I put an end to our relationship, a period. He was furious; he couldn't even hide the surprise on his face when he confronted me. I could still remember the impact of his word on me, he asked why, what is wrong, and what did he do. While for me, it was never easy to keep a straight face; saying the words that I never meant.

_Did you forget that I was even alive?_

_Did you forget everything we ever had?_

_Did you forget?_

_Did you forget about me?_

_Did you regret ever standing by my side?_

_Did you forget we were feeling inside?_

_No one left to forget about us._

I closed my eyes as I listen to the song being played on my MP3. Natsume, did you really forget about me? Did you really forget everything we ever had? Did you…

…

But that is not really the question there because it was not him who ruined everything about us. It was me. And that fact would always stay as is.

The door of my room slowly opened but my eyes remained close. I can feel movements inside the room, only one of my friends knows this place so I'm guessing it was her.

"Mikan" and I'm not wrong. Hotaru spoke of my name in a monotonously voice with a little bit of worry. I slowly opened my eyes and gaze at my only best friend in her pale violet dress seated in front of my bed. "Hey." I said.

"How are you?"

"I'm fine." I said with a laugh, she never changed; always the meddlesome best friend of mine who helped me through a lot.

She only sighed, showing her frustration. "And I'm seeking for your honest answer not the false one."

"I'm fine, really."

"Mikan, do you want me to go all the way down the hallway to ask your doctor about the result of your check up?" She asked with a little bit shaky voice. I can see that she was trying so hard to restraint her tears from falling.

I immediately stood up and put a hand on her forearms ignoring the pain in my stomach. "Of course not, I mean, think about your baby, okay? I even don't get your reason of coming here just to visit me when you know so well how sensitive your pregnancy is-"

"Mikan" she said lowly, tearing my hand of her forearms and holding it tightly in the process. "You are not answering my question."

Ever since Hotaru became pregnant of her first baby with Ruka she became the emotional type of a person and I think that is cute. But sometimes, I envy her, because she was finally starting a family with the person she likes. Unlike me, who can never have one, because my days on this world are already on a limit.

"Mikan, why do you keep on doing this?" She asked. "I am here, you can always tell me how you feel. You know that I will never let you do the same thing you did to Natsume with me. I won't let you suffer alone."

I looked down on our clasped hands.

"Hotaru…"

"Mikan, I'm your best friend. That's why I supported you when you told me not to tell to Natsume your condition. Leukemia, Mikan, is not something you can joke around with."

I looked up. Leukemia. Yes that's what I have. That's what separated me from Natsume. For me, all those years after our break up were spent here in this shallow room. I did what I did to lessen the pain for him when the time comes.

Of course, I have a reason for not telling to Natsume. "Hotaru, I didn't tell this to Natsume, because I don't want him to suffer. You know, that feeling where in you found the person you would offer your heart without any remuneration and you don't want him to suffer. That's what I felt, Hotaru, when I saw Natsume that day. I don't want him to suffer with me. I know that you know I will suffer a great deal because of this, this Leukemia, and the me suffering would do him no good. I want to spare him this, just this time. Do you get it, Hotaru."

She spoke of nothing. No words came out of her mouth. But her gestures tell me she understood and that relieved me.

Because Natsume is my happiness, I won't let him suffer with me. Nonetheless, I was the one who has leukemia so why make him suffer? If this love will make him suffer in the mere future then I hope time will bury it with his memories of me.

If there is one thing I want to give to Natsume that is his freedom.

_Somewhere we went wrong. _

_Our love is like a song_

_But you won't sing alone_

_You've forgotten, about us._

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><p><em><strong>LyricsandGuitar<strong>_


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